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Friend’s misery

Two friends meet in the street. One looked forlorn and almost on the verge of
tears. The other man said, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in? The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." That's not bad."

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"I'd like that.""Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

"The how come you look so glum?"

"This week - nothing!"

Dumb Hubby

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.

He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"

The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

 

Whose child is it?

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.

The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Mirror Image

Banta Singh happens to be a ticket checker in Punjab Railways. One morning, he opens the door to the loo in the railway compartment and sees his face in the mirror inside. Thinking that to be of some passenger's, he utters his apologies and shuts the door. After waiting for 15 minutes, he opens the door again only to see his face in the mirror placed exactly at his height. He utters his apologies once again and returns to his seat.

After another 15 minutes, he opens the door for the third time and as obvious, sees his face once again. Frustrated at this, he returns to his seat and starts muttering obscenities at the passenger occupying the loo. Santa, who happens to be his colleague and on duty in the same train finds Banta disturbed at something. "What's the matter Santa?" he inquires.


"There's somebody in the loo for past two hours and not letting me use the facility," expalins a frustrated Banta. Surprised at this, Santa decides to check for himself. Santa opens the door to the loo and sees himself in the mirror. "Relax," declares he, "can't you see that he is wearing a uniform like ours'. C'mon, have some patience. He must be one of the staff."

Microhard hires Santa

Microhard, as usual, is short of good software engineers and decides to hire professionals. The HR department places an advertisement in the local newspaper. Mr. Bill Yates, who happens to be a software veteran himself, is to interview the candidates. On hearing this, only three guys dare to turn up for the interview. An American, a Japanese and our very own Santa Singh.

They are called for the interview at the company's HQ in Seattle. "I just have one question to ask and the answer to it will decide the result," announced Mr. Yates. "How do we upgrade Window 98 to Window 00?" asked he.

American thinks for a moment but is unable to come up with an answer. The Japanese is puzzled over the question and says, "Fix bugs in Windows-98 for smooth transition, I guess."
"And my guess is that you know nothing," says Yates.
Now it is for Santa to answer. "Right click on Window 98 and RENAME it to Window 00. Simple! isn't it?" replies Santa with a grin.
"Great! You get the job but can you please tell me as to who leaked this formula of ours to you. How do you think Microhard comes up with a new product at the drop of a hat," says Yates sheepishly.

Santa peddles home

One evening, Santa was pulling his scooter home. A friend of his spotted him and asked, "Why are you pulling the scooter? Are you short of petrol or is it some other problem?"


"No, the tank is full of petrol and the scooter runs just fine. It's not even two months old. It's just that I forgot to carry the keys from home," replied Santa defensively.

"But how did you reach office in the morning," asked his friend.
"I was pulling it in the morning as well. Simple! isn't it," replied Santa again.

 

Blonde's perception

Blonde and brunette friends are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."

The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The Brunette says, "Oh, sure...but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?

 

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