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Friend’s misery
Two
friends meet in the street. One looked forlorn and almost on the verge
of
tears. The other man said, "Hey, how come you look like the whole
world caved in? The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three
weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
That's not bad."
"Hold
on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew
kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and
clear."
"I'd
like that.""Last week my grandfather passed away. I
inherited almost a quarter of a million."
"The
how come you look so glum?"
"This
week - nothing!"
Dumb Hubby
A
couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went
to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning
and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main
problem.
He
stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a
hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife
needs, at least once a day!"
The
man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do
you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
Whose child is it?
A
man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the
custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet
and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into
this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side
of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from
his chair and argued, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending
machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the
machine?"
Mirror
Image
Banta
Singh happens to be a ticket checker in Punjab Railways. One morning,
he opens the door to the loo in the railway compartment and sees his
face in the mirror inside. Thinking that to be of some passenger's, he
utters his apologies and shuts the door. After waiting for 15 minutes,
he opens the door again only to see his face in the mirror placed
exactly at his height. He utters his apologies once again and returns
to his seat.
After
another 15 minutes, he opens the door for the third time and as
obvious, sees his face once again. Frustrated at this, he returns to
his seat and starts muttering obscenities at the passenger occupying
the loo. Santa, who happens to be his colleague and on duty in the
same train finds Banta disturbed at something. "What's the matter
Santa?" he inquires.
"There's somebody in the loo for past two hours and not letting
me use the facility," expalins a frustrated Banta. Surprised at
this, Santa decides to check for himself. Santa opens the door to the
loo and sees himself in the mirror. "Relax," declares he,
"can't you see that he is wearing a uniform like ours'. C'mon,
have some patience. He must be one of the staff."
Microhard
hires Santa
Microhard,
as usual, is short of good software engineers and decides to hire
professionals. The HR department places an advertisement in the local
newspaper. Mr. Bill Yates, who happens to be a software veteran
himself, is to interview the candidates. On hearing this, only three
guys dare to turn up for the interview. An American, a Japanese and
our very own Santa Singh.
They
are called for the interview at the company's HQ in Seattle. "I
just have one question to ask and the answer to it will decide the
result," announced Mr. Yates. "How do we upgrade Window 98
to Window 00?" asked he.
American
thinks for a moment but is unable to come up with an answer. The
Japanese is puzzled over the question and says, "Fix bugs in
Windows-98 for smooth transition, I guess."
"And my guess is that you know nothing," says Yates.
Now it is for Santa to answer. "Right click on Window 98 and
RENAME it to Window 00. Simple! isn't it?" replies Santa with a
grin.
"Great! You get the job but can you please tell me as to who
leaked this formula of ours to you. How do you think Microhard comes
up with a new product at the drop of a hat," says Yates
sheepishly.
Santa peddles home
One
evening, Santa was pulling his scooter home. A friend of his spotted
him and asked, "Why are you pulling the scooter? Are you short of
petrol or is it some other problem?"
"No, the tank is full of petrol and the scooter runs just fine.
It's not even two months old. It's just that I forgot to carry the
keys from home," replied Santa defensively.
"But
how did you reach office in the morning," asked his friend.
"I was pulling it in the morning as well. Simple! isn't it,"
replied Santa again.
Blonde's
perception
Blonde and brunette
friends are walking down the street and pass a flower
shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boyfriend
buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my
boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."
The Blonde looks
quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal,
don't you like getting flowers?"
The Brunette says,
"Oh, sure...but he always has expectations after
getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The Blonde says,
"Don't you have a vase?
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