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           Feeling Like A Woman

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses her nerve. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I’m too young to die!" she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of love making in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."


Family Honor

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice:

“The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don’t do it. He may try to go up your skirt -- but don’t let him. He may try to try to take your clothes off -- but don’t do it. He may try to get on top of you -- but don’t do it. If you do any of these things, you’ll disgrace your family.”

The girl said she understood and went on her date.

The girl came home at about 11pm and her grandmother was waiting for her and said, “Well, did you disgrace the family.” “No,” said the girl, “Instead of letting him do those things to me, I did them to him and now it’s his family that’s disgraced!”


A Mismatched Pair of Gloves

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart, and after much consideration he decided upon a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and carefully chose a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of undergarments. Without checking the contents he sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note, not realizing the two packets had got exchanged.

Dearest Darling,

This is a little gift to show you that I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men’s hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love.


Dead Again

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Please don’t hit the wall again!"


He’n & She’n

The preacher stood before the congregation. ’’Brothers and Sisters, I understand that there have been some he’n and she’n going on. I will not tolerate fornication in my church. All of those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some men and women exited the church.

’’Brothers and Sisters, I also understand that there have been some he’n and he’n going on. Those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some embarrassed men exited the church.

’’Brothers and Sisters, I also understand that there have been some she’n and she’n going on. Those who are guilty, leave my presence.’’ So some women got up and exited the church. The preacher looked around and the only one left in the church was a little boy sitting in the front pew. The preacher walked up to the boy.

’’I would like to commend you for being such an upright, loyal Christian.’’

’’Hold up now preacher. If you had gotten down to some me’n and some me’n, I’d have to get up and leave too!’’


Heavenly Help

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven.

"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."

Six months passed and finally Peter returned.

"Yes, we can do this for you."

"Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don’t work out there’s a possibility that we could be divorced?’ To which St. Peter answered "It took me six months to find a priest in heaven...how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer up there?"




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